#126 Reorganize to Overcome Pornography - For the Love Series - Chapter 1 of 5
The path to greater freedom. Four part series. For the month of february we are going to talk about Love - but not in the way that you think… This month, love is going to be about our capacity for great freedom if we are willing to love and be loved through the process of understanding some concepts that you may not be familiar with. We are going to talk about How to use these concepts to improve your ability to love and feel loved by others will be a central focus of our conversations around these concepts. Our goal is to help you choose yourself and be able to choose your partner. A lot of you listen to this podcast in order to move past a pornography struggle. Each of these concepts is fundamental to the integrative process of becoming the person you want to be who doesn’t turn to pornography. Darcy - For those of you who have a partner who struggles with pornography each of these concepts is just as fundamental for you to work through in order to create the dynamic that you want to create. They will help you engage with your partner around their pornography struggle and show up as the person you want to be in all of your life, not just your family’s pornography struggle. Zach - These are the topics we are going to cover over the next 5 weeks. Meaning frames - Disorganization - Reorganizing with integrity Meaning frames are the way we look at the world in order to make it make sense to us. In each relationship we have, we create meaning frames that help us determine the way we are to act when we are alone, engage with others in our lives, and assure our place within a group. Many of our meaning frames are built into our theology and are perpetuated by our family of origin. For instance, in my household, when I was growing up and as I have become and grown in adulthood, my meaning frames have referenced the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This meaning frame has given me a way to interpret the realities of life in ways that serve me and my family and help me make sense of the life I lead. We all have meaning frames that we bring into our relationships that help us manage our life through lenses that provide meaning and value. In most LDS homes, pornography viewing is seen through a meaning frame of it being always destructive, personally, professionally, and theologically. This makes pornography an always off limits type of behavior. Those who engage with it, then find themselves deeply ashamed of their actions. Darcy - The family, especially the wives of those who engage with pornography, find themselves just as deeply ashamed of the pornography use for different reasons. Including the idea that “I am not enough” if he uses that behavior to entertain himself, self soothe, or escape his emotions. Zach - Either way, the meaning frames we bring to our relationships are the lens we use to help us see the behaviors and realities of our lives. Each meaning frame that we have does at least one thing for us. It gives us a way to see the world on a given topic. What this looks like can often be a black and white way of viewing a behavior that can isolate us or others because we are not conforming properly to that meaning frame. When we encounter someone who is not properly conformed to the meaning frame we have and that we assumed they shared is a disorganization of thought and meaning. Darcy, what went on for you when you found out that I was viewing pornography? Darcy - Talk about how you thought I was one thing only to find out that I was someone else. And how that threw your whole sense of self and sense of me into disarray. What does that mean about my family? What about our salvation? What else might he be.
