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Abdication v delegation

Episode #58

Abdication v delegation I’m releasing this while I’m walking down a slot canyon somewhere in southern Ut so if you want to get together with me while I’m here, feel free to message me on Instagram zachspafford.theselfmasterycoach I love angelicas, the peruvian chicken place or even the Indian place.  On Friday two weeks ago I was in my weekly meeting with my friend Jody Moore, talking about interrupting mirroring and anthropomorphizing and all the fun stuff that we coaches talk about behind closed doors and as the discussion progressed a really interesting topic came up. We were talking about abdication vs delegation. This is something that I work on with my clients all the time.  Although I wouldn’t have called it this until we discussed it the other day.  All of us do some form of either of these at various times.  So, what is the difference between abdication and delegation.  When it comes to how we interact with our agency this distinction can really make or break your path back from an unwanted habit.    Our oldest has been learning to drive and as a result I have been learning to relax.   As I have been learning to relax I have been thinking about this relationship between abdication and delegation as it relates to my son and as it relates to our habits.  A couple of Sundays ago the oldest half of my kids and I went to church and left the younger ones at home with mom.  My oldest got in the driver’s seat and we headed off on the 8 minute drive.  Along the way he made a wrong turn and I gave him direction on how to get back on track.   As he drives, I pay attention to what he is doing with his hands, his eyes, his feet.  I help him with proper technique and sometimes I even yell stop when I think he’s going to hit something because he is driving too close to it.  All along the way I am still taking responsibility for the path we take and even how he drives.   Let me tell you about a different driving experience.  On the way to Utah Darcy and I took turns driving.   While she drove I would try and get some sleep because I knew that it would be my turn soon enough because we were going from Milwaukee to st George a 24 hr trip that we wanted to do in one shot.   As she drove I rarely paid attention.  Obviously, I would sleep at certain points so it was entirely her responsibility to get us from point a to point b.  I took no responsibility for how she changed lanes, where her hands were posisitioned or whether she was watching the road.   Abdication is giving up the responsibility for the decision making.  Delegation is retaining responsibility for the decision making.  Each has it’s place in our lives. But what I find when it comes to certain habits is that we are often abdicating when delegating would yield better results and more closely yield the outcomes we are striving toward.  When I talk to clients, often they have abdicated their agency on certain topics.  Pornography is one of them.   We think, I can’t ever look at pornography because it is unacceptable. Or with weight loss, we think, I can’t eat certain foods because they will make me gain weight.  What we are doing when we do that is relinquishing our capacity to choose and allowing our lower brain to drive decisions based on the motivational triangle rather than what will be fulfilling for our long-term happiness.  Listen to the following phrases, “I’m powerless against my addiction” or “I can’t stop using pornography” or “I shouldn’t look at pornography”. Each one of these phrases places the responsibility for pornography viewing outside of our immediate control. And therefore outside our responsibility to choose.   I’m... Support this podcast