Reclaiming the Power You’ve Been Giving Away

There’s a quiet moment most men never talk about. It’s not dramatic. No yelling. No slammed doors. Just a moment when you say “yes” instead of “no,” when you hide the truth to keep the peace, when you wait for someone else to tell you you're okay. That’s how it starts—how we give away our power.

This isn’t about dominance or controlling others. It’s about living from choice. It’s about agency—the ability to act in line with your values, no matter what the world throws at you.

If you’re working to overcome pornography use, rebuild relationships, or live a life that feels true, this is the work. And it starts by taking your power back.

How We Give Our Power Away

1. People-Pleasing

You say “yes” when you mean “no.” You go along to avoid conflict. You shape yourself to fit others' expectations. It seems harmless. But every time you do it, you lose a piece of yourself. Slowly, you stop recognizing the person in the mirror.

“I’ll do it so they won’t be upset.” That’s fear, not choice. That’s giving away your voice.

2. Chasing Validation

You perform instead of connect. You try to be the “good husband” or the “perfect wife” to earn affection or avoid rejection. But love that’s bartered isn’t real. It’s a contract you never signed aloud.

This dynamic has a name: covert contracts—silent deals where you expect something in return for your good behavior. When the return doesn’t come, resentment grows.

Your worth doesn't belong in someone else’s hands.

3. Outsourcing Responsibility

Blocking apps. Spouses managing filters. Accountability buddies. Helpful? Maybe. But when you hand them the steering wheel, you stop driving.

Real change doesn’t come from restrictions. It comes from decisions.

What This Loss of Power Costs You

• Emotional Reactivity: You're always responding, never choosing. Someone else’s mood becomes your compass.

• Resentment: You feel unseen. You do everything right, but it never feels like enough.

• Disconnection: From yourself. From others. From the life you want to build.

And then you cope—scrolling, eating, numbing out. Maybe turning to pornography. Not for pleasure, but for control. For escape.

But every shortcut comes with a price: shame, self-doubt, and another layer of disconnection.

How to Reclaim Your Power

1. Build Self-Awareness

You can't change what you won't face.

Start noticing:

• When do you feel small?

• Where do you stay silent?

• When do you betray your own values to avoid conflict?

A free tool like How We Feel (an emotional tracking app) can help you check in with yourself throughout the day. Start paying attention. The patterns will emerge.

Journal Prompt:
Where in my life do I feel like I'm not choosing?

Write without judgment. Let the truth show up.

2. Set Real Boundaries

Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re doors. They tell people how to treat you. And they remind you what matters.

• Say no when something drains you.

• Turn your phone off when you need rest.

• Speak up when something doesn’t feel okay.

Boundaries don’t control others. They protect your integrity.

Real-Life Story:
A client—let’s call him Adam—used to hide his struggles from his wife. He didn’t want to upset her, so he filtered everything. He shut down. Over time, the silence grew into distance. Through coaching, he realized the boundary he needed wasn’t with her—it was with himself. He stopped hiding.

The first time he spoke honestly, he said:
"Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed today."

She didn’t blow up. She softened. The wall cracked. Real connection began.

That was the start of his return to himself.

3. Live From Values, Not Circumstances

Instead of asking, What should I do? ask,
Who do I want to be right now?

That shift changes everything.

Choose values like:

• Honesty

• Courage

• Compassion

• Integrity

Act from those values even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

Speak in “I” statements:

• I choose honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable.

• I live with integrity.

• I value connection over control.

These aren’t mantras. They’re daily decisions. You’ll fall short sometimes. That’s okay. Return to your values with compassion and move forward.

Power isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about choice.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Powerless

You don’t need a magic formula. You need honesty. Curiosity. Courage. You need to see where you’ve been giving your power away—and then take it back, one small moment at a time.

If this hits home, reflect on this:

• Where are you handing over your power?

• What’s one way you can reclaim it today?

Write one I statement that captures the kind of person you want to be. Tape it to your mirror. Say it out loud. Live it.

Ready to go deeper?
Visit GetToThrive.com/workwithzach to schedule a consult. Take the next step. Reclaim your agency. Live from your values.

Remember:
You have more power than you think.
You always have.

Keywords: reclaim personal power, how to live with agency, overcoming people-pleasing, covert contracts, emotional boundaries, values-based living, personal accountability, pornography recovery, self-empowerment strategies